It feels like a Saturday

Here I am in my comfy clothes, sipping green tea (from my new! polish pottery mug from my mother-in-law *heart*), wearing my glasses while Husband plays Fable II on the new! XBOX. I have this and the next four days off from work. It feels strange. I do have to go in and do about two hours of work in order to be prepared for Monday, but for the most part, I'm off.

I'm focusing on getting the laundry situation under control. I need to pack away a lot of clothes that I've out grown. Emotionally, I cannot get rid of them. I have to hold on to the hope that I will fit into them once again at some point. I'm banking on the slimming effects of breastfeeding.

I'm also going to get some beef broth made. I'm on a mission to see how many consecutive days in the New Year I can bring my lunch to work. I think soup is going to be a key factor in this. I loves me some veggie soup.

I finally got around to making the winter squash soup that I've posted about several times now. Amazingly, the squash was still good! It had been in the fridge for months. The soup is tasty. It's like a very slightly sweet potato soup. In fact, I think I'll have some for lunch today.

As for pregnancy. Still. not feeling it. I think I'll get to keep my body to myself for another month.

For Kaya, everyday is Saturday. And yes, I've figured out how to post pictures.

Still Nothing

I feel no impending pregnancy. I don't think it worked. We will have to hope Husband's sample gets better so that we can try again on my next cycle. However, it still is probably too early for me to really tell since, at most, I'm 7dpo. That's not a lot.

Merry Christmas! I'm back at work

The time with my in-laws was nice and relaxing. I'm not being sarcastic. I really like spending time with them. Unfortunately my brother-in-law has an XBOX 360. My husband is now, at this very minute, purchasing an XBOX 360. Despite all the warning bells that were going off in my head about spending money while we are trying to get pregnant (and spending a small fortune on that process alone), I agreed to the purchase. The one stipulation was that he has to stop playing WoW. He readily agreed. I want to play Viva Pinata! and Worms! I'm weak. Luckily, we got enough in Christmas gifts to pay for almost the whole shebang. Unluckily, we are still ending this month with a deficit. Oh well, I get to start again next year!

Husband and I also had a moment of stupidity on Monday night. We "had relations". The reason that was not smart is that we were doing the IUI the very next day and Husband had to produce his sample the next morning. Ooops. Dr. Physician was not happy with the sample. Now Husband has to do another sperm analysis in three weeks. That is, unless I'm pregnant. I've decided not to test until next Saturday. Which would still be on the soon side. It helps that I don't know exactly when I ovulated. That way I can't think, "well, I'm 9dpo, some women get positives this early", and then end up wasting a stick.

So maybe I'm not completely right all the time, maybe

Okay, Dr. Physician gave me a shot of ovitrel (sp?) which should force ovulation. I have one follicle measuring a whopping 25.9. We will do an IUI round tomorrow.

I'm also feeling much better. Husband has bought a book on male-to-female communication and seems to be taking the matter seriously, which goes a long ways towards making me feel loved.

I also don't feel like I will burst into tears at any moment. Yeah! Thankful for the little things...

I hate being right all the time, really I do

So, I have had no LH surge. And I'm concerned about the logical abilities of the nurses at the fertility clinic. I was told to test for a surge everyday and if I don't have a surge on Saturday, to call. Sounds simple, right? I then asked what time of day I should test. She said between noon and 3pm. So, given this information, when do you think I would call the clinic on Saturday? All of you who said between noon and 3pm, you get a gold star. Any of you still scratching your heads probably work as nurses at a fertility clinic somewhere.

The reason this is an issue is because they don't answer the phones after 11am on Saturday. So I called and listened to a very long message at the end of which they tell you to call back. You don't even get to leave a message.

I guess in the long run it doesn't really matter. Dr. Physician would've just looked at my ovaries and then prescribed provera to bring a period so that we can start over with even more clomid. The thought of this makes me want to cry every time. Luckily I'm at work right now and the inhibitions I have about crying in public are kicking in.

This didn't help last night, however, when I tried to talk to Husband about "stuff". As soon as I brought up fostering and adoption, he completely stopped responding. So between my ovaries and my husband, I feel as though I'm being backed into a childless corner.

I stressed the importance of him getting a book on how to communicate with his wife so that she doesn't feel emotionally abandoned and alone. We'll see how this advice is recieved. So far, not well.

I do want to say that on the whole, the nurses at our fertility clinic have been wonderful and most nurses everywhere are saints. I'm just venting in the paragraphs above.

Does good mean not great? Is good bad, or good?

We had another look-see at my lazy follicles at the ends of my ovaries again yesterday. The left ovary is totally out to lunch, but I have several on the right ovary that are measuring 12 - 13. I forget what the unit of measure is, but it's small. I have one on the right ovary that is measuring 16.5. This one is hopefully half of my first child. Dr. Physician said I had good follicular response to the clomid. Husband's testosterone is slightly above normal now. We are all set for a round of IUI, given that I actually have a LH surge (ie. smiley face on an ovulation test). I get to start peeing on sticks again! And this is not compulsive behavior, but Dr. prescribed! Oh! the joy! of peeing on a stick! I have to do this between noon and 3pm, which means I now have ovualtion tests in my purse and will be peeing on sticks at work. Sadly, this is not the first time I've peed on a stick at work. I used to have a problem.

I am very excited about doing an IUI round, but I have to say, I don't think it will work. I don't know if it's my subconcious taking control and convincing my concious that it won't work in order to prevent me from freaking out, or if I'm in some sort of denial. I don't know. I'll, of course, be happy if it does; but I'm not feeling it.

On to other news. I've learned 1 - 8 sparring techniques, 1 - 5 self defense and 1 - 3 short katas in Kung Fu so far. I've been lazy this week and have not been yet. I'll go on Saturday, unless I'm having a sonogram or IUI done. I wonder if I'll get to keep learning Kung Fu when I'm pregnant. I should probably check on that.

We made it back to church! Usually, if we were to miss one Sunday, the chances of us going the next Sunday were greatly diminished. We overcame the odds! And I'm glad we did. I always have to struggle to get myself to church, but once I'm there, I can't imagine why I would want to be anywhere else.

We have the Christmas tree up and decorated! Husband did most (read: all) of the work. I'm listening to Christmas music non-stop at work. Here is a link to my Pandora Christmas station that I have custom made for myself: http://www.pandora.com/?sc=sh3446015485049388

Other than that, I've been learning more and more about WAPF, traditional foods and nutrition. I've also been learning more about the FDA. I don't trust them much at best and they scare me at worst. I'm definitely trying to cut out processed foods. You wouldn't know this by what I've been eating *this* week. Baby steps.

I've added a list of the blogs that I like to read for whatever reason. I mostly did this for me, so that I can keep track of what I'm reading in one place. You can use it too. The only one that I couldn't get to list is Pioneer Woman, http://thepioneerwoman.com. It's a pretty awesome site.

I'm at work right now, which means I really need to get back to reading those other blogs. Oh yeah, and finish building this laptop for our VP that is in from Dublin.

Generic Title

My ovaries have no cysts! So I'm on the clomid. I checked with Dr. Physician again and we are a go for a round of IUI. Yeah! For those of you who may not know, IUI is the turkey baster method. My eggs, my basket, husband's stuff. This is about as sciency as I want to get with conception. I won't do anything that involves harvesting my eggs and petri dishes. It just doesn't seem right to me; which means it's definitely not right for me.

Confession time. We did not make it to church on Sunday. We tried, but were running very late and decided that we don't like to walk in that late. I'd really like to pull the old Adam-and-Eve trick and and blame this on husband, but that wouldn't be right. (even though not going was his idea) I need to step up my prayer time and try to keep myself on the spiritual track until next week. Also, I did not go to Kung Fu or Tai Chi almost all last week. I went last night and that has gotten me energized about going tonight.

So a few of my plates have started to wobble, but I'm getting them stabilized.

Let's not talk about the Christmas plate. I'm in a happy place right now.

Time in a bottle

Here's the fast fertility update so that we can get on to more interesting things. My hysterosalpingogram came back stellar (ie. normal). My tubes are open, my uterus is the right size. After another ultrasound look at the ovaries, we now know that they have some of my personality traits: lots of good intentions; little, if any, follow through. In other words, they have a lot of follicles, they just aren't developing into mature eggs. Now I'm on provera to bring on a period, then another look at the ovaries to make sure no cysts have developed, then on to clomid. Husband's colon ultrasound came back negative (ie. positive) so he just has to raise his testosterone to a normal level. He is currently only producing half the testosterone he is supposed to. Apparently it's genetic. Husband expressed disbelief at this because his mom and dad had three whole kids! I reminded him that his parents are Roman Catholic (= no birth control) and only had one kid every *five* years. That's not overly fertile.

Next steps are for me to ovulate and possible do a round of IUI! Exciting!

On to other things...

I've decided not to run a half-marathon. Let's have a show of hands, how many of you saw that coming? Wow, y'all know me so well. Put your hands down, you all suck. I have joined a kung fu school. I'm taking Tai Chi and Kung Fu classes. I hope to have my yellow belt by February. I'm trying to get Husband and Little Brother to join me.

Cooking is progressing. I made a double batch of Mrs. Geraldines's beef casserole and froze half. I also made Big Thicket Chicken and Dumplins. The dumplins were made with lard and butter. Soooo Yummy. Only I didn't put enough salt in. I still have not made my butternut squash soup and have just now realized that the squash puree has been in the fridge for a month. It's still good, right? I'll check. I will have to sit in a corner and cry if I have let that go bad.

Up next is something with lamb, by special request from Husband, and possible a roasted duck. I would ask for some recipe ideas from my readership; but my readership is comprised of Princess Kate, TLo who is a psychoticly strict vegetarian, and her husband. (sorry for calling you psycho, TLo! but seriously, you are) My one hope is Princess Kate. Don't fail me now!

Spinning right along

Again, I'm in disbelief at the amount of time that has passed since I last posted. So much has happened.

I'm scheduled for my hysterosalpingogram (HSG for you normal people) for Thursday morning. It seems, after much blog reading, that half the women say it was the most painful thing they've ever had to do; the other half say they didn't even feel it. Joy! I wonder which half I'm in. I guess I'll find out on Thursday.

Husband's visit to the urologist revealed a slightly swollen vein in one of his testicles. He now has to have a colo ultrasound to make sure his sperm ducts are open and not clogged. He may have to have surgery on his testicles.

Aren't we just a load of fertility fun!

In other news, I've been a cooking fanatic. I was off for (most of) last Monday for Columbus day. Who knew that was a holiday? I didn't. But anyway, I took advantage of this time to make butternut and acorn squash puree from the squash I bought at the farmer's market. I also made the frittata I posted about earlier (delicious!), a roasted chicken, beef soup (from beef bone broth I made from meaty soup bones from the farmer's market), mashed potatoes and individual sweet potatoe puddings. It was all tasty. We are about to polish off the frittata and the soup. Tonight we'll have the roasted chicken with potatoes, green beans and gravy. I have the chicken frame (or carcass) in the freezer. It will be combined with some more chicken bones and used to make a broth, which I will then use to make the super-yummy butternut squash soup with gruyere cheese croutons.

Up next will be a pork roast. I went to the farmer's market again this Saturday and bought a bone-in pork shoulder roast, german sausages, ground pork (for meat loaf) and lard. I also bought two half-gallons of milk. I currently have one quart of the milk sitting on my counter in a jar. I'm waiting for it to separate so that I can make some cheese and whey. I might have to ping Cheeseslave on this because I'm not sure my milk is going bad in the right way. We shall see. But! when I get my whey, I'm going to make some homemade sauerkraut to go with those german sausages.

In other other news, I've decided to run a half-marathon in April. I've come up with a training schedule that will gradually increase the distance I run over time. I've combined the 30/30, 5k and half marathon training schedules from this site. So far, I've completed two days. I'm concentrating on just getting my jog in every day this week.

That's about it for me for the last ten days.

Breakfast taco Friday!

The company I work for buys us breakfast tacos on random Fridays. I suppose the fully stocked fridge with cokes, organic teas, juices, cheese and fruit just isn't enough. I got treated to a whole wheat, black bean, avocado and cheese taco for breakfast. Two words: Yum. Me. And the black beans and avocado are on my list of foods I should be eating more of.

Acupuncture was wonderful yesterday, as it always is. She did a few new points on me for my immune system. They must have worked because this is the first morning I've not sneezed twenty times and had a sinus headache.

Last night, Husband and I went to our friends' house for dinner. Husband played with the baby for almost an hour. It was so awesome seeing him interact with the baby. Made me a little wistful for when it will be our time.

I've thinned the beets. They still only have primary leaves, but are getting taller. I think they look a little leggy, like they aren't getting enough sun. I might move them this weekend.

Yeah for the weekend! And it's a three-day weekend! Thank you, Columbus.

Ear wax can ruin a birthday

My birthday weekend went mostly great, with the exception of Sunday, the day when I had my whole family and some friends over to the house. Saturday night my left ear become stopped up. And I mean completely. I could not un-stop it. This lead to vertigo, nausea and an unhappy birthday girl. It was hard to talk to people because I couldn't hear and I wasn't sure how loudly I was speaking. I really wanted to sit and talk to my Mom, but couldn't. I wanted to tell Mom and Dad what I planned on planting this Spring and where, but I couldn't. All I could do was take some decongestants and hope that would help. It didn't.

I finally went to see my regular doctor on Tuesday to get some help. Turns out it was all ear wax. And a *lot* of it. The nurse used this tube-nozzle-spray bottle device to clean out my ear with warm water and hydrogen peroxide. It felt awesome. Then I could hear again!

Other than that, my birthday was awesome. Even though I couldn't really talk much, I loved having my family over. My brother-in-law bought me a beautiful bougainvillea.

Now I'm 31. Well on my way to 32.

Fertility update

This visit with Dr. Physician went much better. It was fast and painless. And by fast, I mean I'm not sure he even took two complete breaths before he had measured my ovaries and uterus and prescribed Provera (medroxyprogesterone). Apparently I have a lot of follicles, which is good; but they don't want to eke out the eggs in a timely manner, which is bad. Provera will bring on my period in the next ten days. Then Husband and I will start our antibiotics and I'll get a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) to make sure my tubes are clear and open. Most likely they are and I'll start clomid to bring on the eggs. Go eggs!

I do need to make a list of questions for Dr. Physician. The lack of eggs is due to a "miscommunication" between my hypothalamus and pituitary glands. These are edocrine glands, I believe. I'm still in the process of researching this. I kind of feel like the provera and clomid and treating symptoms and not fixing the real problem. I'm concerned about long-term problems due to this miscommunication.

Husband also had his urology appointment yesterday. He has a swollen vein or blood vessel in one of his testicles. He'll need surgery. Like totally-under surgery. After surgery 75% of men see an increase in their sperm counts.

Here's our schedule:
Oct. 7th - 16th: I take provera, we get our blood tests, Husband tries to get in with his primary care provider to get a referral for his surgery

Oct. 17th - 20th: I should start my mense, on day 2 we start the antibiotics and I schedule the HSG (hysterosalpingogram, I like that word)

Oct. 28th: follow up to go over all this with Dr. Physician

I think this is setting Husband and me up for a really enjoyable holiday season. We may actually be preggers by Christmas! Or we may be suffering through disappointment and more hormones.

Dinner plans

It's a little slow at work today. My Monday-morning brain is taking awhile to get going. I have too much non-work related thoughts spinning around my head. The solution, is to just get them out.

One of these niggling little thoughts is what to do for dinner this week. And what can I make for lunches. I think I've come up with a good idea. I still have some really good bread cubes leftover from making the mufaletta. Here's how it will play out:

1. Divide bread cubes among a 12-cup muffin tin
2. Make some bacon, chop up some tomatoes, green onions, spinach and cheese
3. Mix them all together and divide among the muffins
4. Mix 6 eggs with some cream, salt and pepper
5. Pour into the muffin cups
6. Let sit so that the bread can absorb some of the egg/milk mixture
7. Spinkle some more cheese on top
8. Bake until puffy and golden

That should give me twelve mini-fritattas that I can take to work with me for lunch. I can also eat them for breakfast if I so desired.

Heathens again

Another weekend has passed and we did not manage to drag our lazy asses selves to church. That's not to say that I'm not in-touch with God right now. I'm not as in-touch as I'd like to be, but God is definitely not absent. I need to step up the prayer life. It's strange how much I will resist something so simple and so good. I even know that I'm happier when I've been praying. I enjoy the presence of God I feel during prayer. (I'm not sure "enjoy" is even the right word for it, it's not strong enough) But I always seem to think of something else to think about or to do instead of praying. And that something else is never fulfilling or beneficial. So, in my typical vein of making New Year's resolutions any time of the year, I resolve to start praying once everyday. After all, every fraction of a second is the start of a new year, even if it's not a traditional calendar year.

I made chicken broth last night. I did not use pastured chicken bones. I used regular old grocery store chicken bones. I decided I can't be that picky about my food until I quit working. Husband will use the broth to make chicken tortilla soup tonight. His soup is sooooo yummy. I can't wait. I don't even require the tortillas. There is one thing I'm worried about. I used the recipe in "Eat Fat, Lose Fat" and added apple cider vinegar to the broth. The recipe calls for "any" vinegar. I did not precisely measure. I poured and guessed. The broth has a sweet, apply smell. It doesn't smell bad. It smells quite good, actually. But I believe I used too much vinegar. And I also don't think apple cider was the best choice for the any vinegar. I know you are all dying to know how this turns out (especially my vegetarian reader), so I'll keep you posted.

Other than that, we spent copious amounts of money on clothes this weekend. Husband needed some new shirts and ties, and I also needed some new work clothes. We are now in a budget crisis along with the rest of the country. However, if a boost in consumer spending can in any way help the country's current economic situation, then Husband and I have done our part. You may express your gratitude through gifts.

But, we've only just met

I'll recap last weekend later. I have more important things to blog about today. Wednesday we had our fist appointment at the fertility clinic. It was a prime example of how strongly incorrect expectations combined with one little comment from a nurse can greatly effect a patient's attitude. I was under the impression that our appointment was solely to discuss Husband's sperm analysis. Therefore, I was confused about who the "patient" should be on the forms. The nurse informed me that the woman is always the patient even if there is nothing wrong with her. (more on the ludicrousness of this later) So I started to complete the forms with me as the patient. Whatever. She then started to ask me routine questions. One of which was what medications I was taking. I said that I'm taking the herbs prescribed by my acupuncturist. She just kind of smirked and said "He'll (the physician) will make you stop taking them." I just looked at her and politely smiled, thinking, he can't make me do anything. That one statement was enough to get my heckles up. I realize she's just a nurse and she can't analyze every comment she makes throughout the day. It probably shouldn't have affected me as much as it did. But it did.

We then met with the physician. He was pleasant enough. He did not have a high-handed manner. We discussed the herbs and he voiced his concerns and said that he'd prefer I not take them. We discussed my ovulation, Husband's sperm. He explained what I needed to know (mostly that ovulating at day 19 isn't any better for conception than ovulating on day 60, bummer) and referred Husband to a urologist.

He then stood up and said, "well, let's get you on the table for an exam."
My stomach knotted, I felt sweaty. "What kind of exam? Do you mean a pelvic?"
Inner me "You want to do WHAT to me! I don't think so, buddy!"
Him, "um, yes"
Me, "no, I'm not prepared for that today"
Inner me "do not vomit, do not cry, you are fine, breathe"
Him, "that' s not a problem, I can examine you when we do the ultrasound. why don't I just listen to your heart and lungs?"
Me, "yes, that will be fine"
Inner me "do not to hyperventilate. breathe through your nose and out through your mouth. deep breaths. calm."

He finished his exam. We finished with the papers and scheduled our next appointments. Husband and I tried to have lunch together but I couldn't eat. I had no appetite. I had anxious stomach and I didn't know why.

Was I dreading having to go back and be "examined" by a male physician? Was I finally accepting the fact that we have fertility problems? Was I suffering from my latent aversion to being a "patient"? I think it was all of the above.

Some friends of mine had to use IUI in order to conceive their fist child. They used the same clinic and physician that we are using. They told me how she hated the process. While she was being inseminated she was telling the physician how much she hated that they were having to do this and how much she hated him right now. I didn't understand this sentiment at first, but now I do. And I don't want to be in that same emotional boat. I want to be happy and excited about conceiving my child, even if it's not by the traditional method. I needed to change my attitude.

And I mostly have. I'm excited about my ultrasound now. I like looking at my organs! I'm going to finish my herbs for this cycle; but I've spoken with my acupuncturist and she said it'll be fine to stop them. I'll probably have to take clomid. But in the end, we will hopefully get to be parents and have our lives changed forever. And that will give me something totally new and different to be stressed about.

Is it Friday yet?

No, it's only Thursday. The only good thing about Thursday is that I have acupuncture. I'm day three of my cycle which means I get to start the herbs again. Yeah! They are sooooo *yummy*! I've not exercised all week. I've not eating breakfast but once. I was sick on Tuesday and stayed home from work. Apparently I do have allergies. I was just never outside enough for them to bother me. That is, until I got a deck built.

Next week is a whole new week. I *will* exercise. I *will* eat breakfast. I can do these things. Starting Saturday. Here are the things I will get done:

1. Wake up Saturday and eat a breakfast smoothie
2. Go to the farmer's market
3. Go to Wheatsville to get what I couldn't get at farmer's market
4. Go home
5. Make some bone broths, definitely chicken, maybe beef/bison
6. Vacuum
7. Clean kitchen
   
8. Have fun with my little niece and nephew (babysitting this weekend for big sis)
9. Wake up Sunday, eat a breakfast of some sort and go to church
10. Enjoy having my family over for birthday celebrations (mine and my lil' bruddr's)
11. Wake up Monday morning and eat a breakfast smoothie
12. Exercise

Sounds simple enough. Ironically, if I can get myself to eat breakfast and exercise, then my energy level goes through the roof. Which makes it easier for me to continue to eat breakfast and to exercise. Right now I'm going to get back to my diet coke breakfast and see what is going on in the world today.

Whole Foods? Hardly...

I'm frustrated with Whole Foods right now. I don't expect them to carry raw milk products, but it would be nice to have whole dairy products available. Have you every tried buying whole milk yogurt there? Good luck! I found two varieties and the pickins were slim. 2% milk is *not* whole.

Anyway.

The deck is a heavenly oasis in my crap-pile of a backyard. I love it about as much as you can love something made of wood and not be crazy. But I'm toeing that line. I moved an old wooden rocking chair that I have onto the deck and I could not have been happier. We had an impromptu party Friday night to celebrate the deck. We also spent copious amounts of money on planters, plants and dirt. I'll get pictures soon, I promise.

We did not make it to church this weekend. Again. I also haven't been praying in the formal sense. It's been more like a stream-of-consciousness casual conversation with God. He and I are going back and forth on some things right now. I have a feeling that some hard lessons are going to be learned in the next few years. But I don't know what they are yet. I do know that God doesn't give us more than we are able to handle. But I've had a very easy life. What does that say about my ability? LOL! *sigh*

It's Thursday

We are having particularly beautiful weather. I know for a fact that when I lived in Nashville that we had weather in the mid 80's much more frequently than we do here in central Texas; but I don't remember appreciating them so much. My theory is that unless you get your brains baked by multiple days in the 100's (here, we do not have a dry heat) then you don't really appreciate the 80 degree weather.

I did my workout yesterday! Woot! I plan on working out during lunch today because I have acupuncture after work.

I'm trying to make sure I eat 4 (four) egg yolks a day. I made it yesterday. I had two in my morning smoothie and two fried eggs on top of my chicken and rice. I had my first fried-in-coconut-oil eggs yesterday. They were tasty. I've also had much more milk than I would usually drink. I'm going to try to get some chicken stock made this weekend. Bone stocks are very important according to traditional methods of eating.

House cleaning is going pretty well. I know, it's like the planets are aligning in a way that only happens once a millenium. How could I possibly be this together? I attribute the house cleaning to the fact that we've had people over and that I've been helping out more which makes Husband less bitter about cleaning.

And have I mentioned that I'm getting a deck? Because I am! I could walk on it yesterday. It was more awesome than I thought it could be. I've set aside money in our budget to buy some planters and a porch swing or rocker (I can't decide which to get). Here's the plan for the planters:

• Tall narrow planter with either a blackberry or dewberry plant (dewberries are what we call the wild blackberries that grow around here)
• Tall wide planter with sweet potatoes. I loves me some sweet potatoes. If you don't like them, then you are wrong and fail as a person.
• Two shorter wide planters, one with spinach and one with red lettuce
• Strawberry planter for my mint that I got from my mother-in-law. The hope is that the runners will plant themselves in the little things (I don't know what they are called, obviously) that stick out on the sides.
• Either three small planters or one really big one for the dani basil (from an awesome friend of mine), thyme (bought at Whole Foods) and sage (also Whole Foods)
• Some pretty shrubs to go along the short side of the deck

I can barely contain my excitement right now. This weekend is going to rock. As long as we don't get back to the hundreds. Which can very well happen here.

Also also, I'm 8 dpo right now but I'm doing pretty good about not obsessing.

Time keeps passing me by

I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted. *gasp* What's going to happen to my readership!?

Anyway. I made my morning shake this morning. I made one for Husband, too. The morning shakes are good. I like the one that is coconut and banana better then the one that is yogurt and berries. We are desisting in taking the cod liver pills until I order some of the higher quality ones on-line. The ones I bought at Central Market only have 2,000 IU of Vitamin A per pill and we are trying to get closer to 12,000 IU per day. I don't want to take six of those pills per day. We were taking three of them and that made me burp fishsticks.

We did go on a cooking extravaganza on Sunday. I made my crockpot chicken teriyaki and a huuuuuge mufaletta. Husband made a big pot of chicken and rice with cheese and peas and carrots. Very tasty.

The plan is for me to workout today after work. I have a free pass to the gym in the Frost bank building for this week. That way I can test it out to see if I like it. I have my clothes here. Everyone should send motivating thoughts my way.

Also! We are getting a deck built. Oh! the happy happy joy joy! I'll try to get some pics posted. Last night it was just a partial frame. I'll need to get some large and tall pots to plant in. Exciting!

Lucky You!

I've decided to use this forum as a log of what I eat and when I exercise. The thought being that my friends will support me and also make me feel accountable for what I'm eating and when I'm exercising.

I've already screwed up today and didn't eat breakfast, so this log will start tomorrow.

I don't have much else to blog about. I did start playing Spore this weekend. It's pretty awesome. I have my own universe and it's about time.

The title of this post has been modified

(disclaimer: I'm writing this whole post under duress. I'm being forced to blog whilst visiting with friends who have a baby. I'm using this as an excuse for the sub-par quality of this post.)

I'm starting to lightly tread down a similar path to the one I assume CheeseSlave has traveled. I'm reading "Eat Fat, Lose Fat" by an author to be named later, because I don't remember right now. The gist so far is that unnatural fats, like vegetable oil, vegetable shortening and anything that goes into low-fat or fat free things, are super-bad for you. Natural fats, like butterfat (that's what they call it), cream, bacon fat, chicken fat, etc. are super-duper-good for you. Natural fats also include coconut oil and palm oil, but that's beside the point. The point is that reading about how healthy butterfat, cream, milk, cheese and other dairy products are for you makes me really really want them.

Therefore, my nutritional plate is spinning nicely. I'm starting to buy locally, sustainably grown/raised food. My acupuncturist is happy with these changes. I'm happy with my food. So much so that I took a picture of what I cooked last night. Here it is:

Yummy, no? It's chicken with cream sauce on a bed of boiled and buttered potatoes, buttered steamed carrots and chard cooked with bacon.

Anyway, these people I'm with right now have been having some philosophical conversation about "if I were baby nail clippers, where would I be?" Holy crap! I. don't. know. And imagining that I am baby nail clippers isn't going to help anyone find anything.

Now they are taking *another* picture of their baby. It never freaking ends over here.

I'd better start talking to them before they start singing farm songs to each other, again. I'm not kidding.

The wheels on the bus go round and round

I rode the bus. I had to yesterday in order to get home. I carpooled with husband then worked until 6pm. Husband went home around 4:30pm. He didn't abandon me. We had planned it. I was nervous. I had heard horror stories about the transients and students on the bus. However, my experience was very positive. I rather enjoyed it. It's probably because it makes me feel very metropolitan and chique. I rode the bus this morning and will take it again to go home.

Since I'm a freak about tracking my money, I'm curious to see how much I'll save on gas money. I'll keep you readers posted. I'm sure you're on the edge of your seats.

I've got your blog right heeya

Alright. So. Last week? Cuh *raze* ee. It was the last week at a job that I've been at for five long and fulfilling years. Did I complete everything I needed to before leaving? No. Did I come in late and leave early every. single. day. anyway? Yes. Do I feel a little guilty about that. Yes. But not much.

New job! Ironically, my first day at this job was also the first day of school for my nephews and niece. Also it was niece's first day of school ever. I do have to say, this job does have the "starting a new cool school" feel. (Yes, I was one of those kids who thought school was cool.) Let's go over the highlights of yesterday.

1. Downtown, baby! For some reason walking around any downtown makes me feel like I'm on vacation; because that's really the only times I've ever done it. Therefore, this morning, walking through the streets surrounded by the noises, smells and sounds of downtown morning, reminded me of our trip to London. Good times.
2. Stocked kitchen. As in, there are chilled juices, cokes, diet cokes, sweet leaf teas, cheese, organic fruit and various other snacks, all waiting for me to consume them in each of the three kitchens.
   
3. (Pause while I sip my sweet leaf tea)
4. Fitness center on the 11th floor. Paid for by my company if I so desire. Or they will pay for my gym membership elsewhere.
   
5. Free downtown parking. I'm everyone's new best friend.
6. I get Columbus day off! Columbus day! Along with other bank holidays. I went from supporting people who work 24-7 to people who, literally, have banking hours. Finance may not be as noble as healthcare, but at least I get Columbus day off.
   
7. Seriously, a three-day weekend in the middle of October.

K. Now I'm done. I have to go do some work. Can't goof off when you're the new girl on the boy's block.

What is this stuff?

It's like I'm in the shower but I'm outside. I don't get it. And the sun is not blazing. There are these gray and white things in the sky blocking it. Could this be what they call "rain"?

It's wonderful! I have always enjoyed and marveled at the weather. For me, it's a daily reminder that there are things bigger than we are and that we are not in control. That is, until one of the evil masterminds really *does* create a weather machine and uses it to control the world. Seriously, though, I love the weather. It doesn't matter what the weather is either. I like the oven-like heat and the cold. The dry and the wet. All of it. I like sunrises and sunsets. I like to watch clouds. Every season is my favorite season.

Husband and I have decided to hold off on putting the house on the market. The market isn't looking so good right now and I'm not sure we are ready to move anyway. Husband also got a raise. That, along with my raise, means we will be able to save up a larger down payment on the next house. So we want to wait.

What this means short-term is that I am going to attempt a container garden. Again. I've noted the weaknesses that lead to failure in the past. We are going to try to rectify them. One being, the faucet for the back of the house needs to be replace and I need a good hose and watering device. The next being, we need to tidy up the back yard and put a rocking chair or swing out there for me. We are also going to attempt to plant some ground cover. I'll try to post some before pics so y'all can know what we are up against.

What am I going to plant in my container garden? I'm so glad you asked! I'm going to have two tomato plants in one container. I'll have a "greens" container that will be a wide shallow planter where I'll start with some collard greens and/or chard. I'll switch to some read leaf lettuces in the fall. I'll also have a basil container. I can't decide how much basil I need to plant in order to be able to make pesto on a whim. I'm thinking a fairly large container. I also hope I can make it a perennial here in Austin. Princess Kate? Any advice on this? In the future I hope to have a few root veggie planters for some potatoes and beets. We'll see how this goes.

The foodie in me

I was working my way through Amalah's blog and got to the Feb. 3, 2005 entry where she posts about finding out she's pregnant. I can't read about that. That will get me to daydreaming about being pregnant and that leads to obsession and stress. All that to say that I've been searching for another blog to read.

And I found one. Cheese slave mostly blogs about healthy, yummy food. I've only read a few posts (okay, one) but they were enough to make me profess my love for Cheese slave. Apparently butter and animal fat are better for me than veg oil. He (she?) also mentions cold-pressed olive oil, which I also like, but BUTTER! and ANIMAL FAT!!! Yum. Meee. I'm so on board.

As if that weren't enough. Today the post is about how eggs and butter can help increase fertility. Awesome! I'm going to start having eggs fried up in some butter every day.

I will now compulsively read all back posts of Cheese slave.

in other news, we bought a Wii fit last night. Oh! the fun! I heart it.

Time to clean house

Exercising is not going so well. I've not exercised all week. again. But! There's a very real possibility that I'll soon be walking a minimum of a mile a day. This is due to the fact that my new office will be a mile from where my husband parks. So, he will drop me off in the morning and I'll walk over in the afternoon. That's built-in exercise. Perfect.

Now it's time to focus on getting the house organized and clean and keeping it that way. I've decided to track my plan and progress here. The plan is a little fuzzy. I can't decide if I want to handle things by room or by problem, because some problems, such as books, span several rooms. So here is the plan so far. It is just a start and will probably be revised over time.

1. Organize books
1. Pack ones that aren't going to be used or read any time soon
2. Find a place for the cookbooks
3. Find a place for reference books
4. Goal is to have ONE bookshelf
   


2. Get the laundry under control
1. I've done this before, so I can do it again
2. The secret is to get Husband in on it (maybe I need a chart)
   
3. Decide where to store extra linens


3. Kitchen
1. I already feel overwhelmed
2. Get my friend, CC, to come over and talk to me while I do this
3. Pack all appliances that I haven't used in months (like the juicer) after cleaning the mystery grime off them (they are just sitting there, how do they get so dirty!)
   
4. Eliminate the utility cart that seems to get so very dusty and covered in dog hair
5. Open a bottle of wine and share it with CC
6. Repeat three times to myself that I do NOT need to replace all the cabinets and counter tops
   
7. Deal with the leftover container cabinet
8. Stop crying
9. Remove everything from all cabinets and clean
10. Re-line cabinets with something better than what I have
11. Replace cabinet items, throwing out what is not needed
12. Forbid anyone to cook or eat in the kitchen because it is now perfect
    

Another week, another post

The weekend was nice. We had friends over on Saturday for a D&D marathon. I don't handle sitting still for long periods of time very well, so I was pretty tired of it at the end. Then the guys had to sit around my living room drinking scotch (as if drinking very expensive scotch could make them any less dorky) for an hour or two and discuss the dynamics of the game play. I read cookbooks.

Sunday my sister and her family came for a visit and dropped off their oldest son. He is sixteen. And by sixteen, I mean he is soooooooooo six. teen.

Her younger two remind me of tazmanian devils from Warner Bros. and I think the older one needs a break from them every once in a while. Now he can play computer games in peace.

I turned in my two weeks notice this morning. It was very stressful. My program manager apparently knew three weeks ago that I was getting a job offer. How he knew? I do not know. The guy is crazy intuitive. I felt like I've kept this on the down-low. Oh well. At least he wasn't surprised.

I'm not feeling as emotional as I thought I would. I still have to wait for official communications to go out before I can socialize the change. I think that's when the emotion will hit.

So this week is starting off with the good kind of scary excitement that only comes from impending change. I have found a lot of clarity with what I need to do to tie up loose ends here. Which means I will be much more focused at work now. Maybe, just maybe I'll get a jog or two in as well.

And the beat goes on...

(Disclaimer: I have no idea what song this lyric is from or what its context is in that song. I think it might be sung by Cher, but I'm not sure. However, if I'm using this lyric in an offensive or otherwise wrong way, you need to get over it.)

Sooooooooo! Nee How! Olympic opening ceremony is tonight! Exciting! ! !
(It is actually going on right now, because it is tonight over there)

Update time. I did finally receive an offer for that job. It was pathetically low. And it made me sad. Very very sad. Then I put on my negotiating hat. They raised the offer and explained benefits. I'm now willing to accept the raised offer, if they will EVER send it to me. I already hate their HR department. grrr.

I've not exercised, cooked or cleaned once this week. NOT! ONCE! So mad at myself. I think I might have to stop going to someone else's house every single evening. That might be preventing me from getting things done at my house.

Best Husband EVER!

I just got an email from Husband addressing how I was feeling this morning. He's wonderful!
or he knows just the right things to say...

(silly happy blushing)

Nope, he's wonderful!

Dream Dree-eem Dream, Dream Dream Dream

Yes, it's another song lyric for a title.

So, I had a dream last night that Husband was into strip clubs. This is one of those things that he's told me he's not into. That they kind of creep him out. And, I, of course, believe him. However, Husband also told me that he doesn't really like porn and doesn't use it. That turned out to be not so true as is discussed here. So, in my dream, I get all hurt and pissed and feel betrayed. A lot like how I felt when I discovered he was lying to me about the porn in real life. This leads to me waking up feeling all hurt and pissed and betrayed; although all Husband had done was sleep next to me all night. Aren't dreams crazy! Poor Husband. He had to deal with an inexplicably highly emotional wife first thing in the morning. I wonder if I have trust issues.

En knee way yuh, today is the day that I should get my job offer! Oh the butterflies! I already know from my inside track that they aren't going to meet my requested salary. This means there may be some bargaining going on. I want to ask for more time off. I loves me some pto. I'm still going to miss working here a lot, but it's time to move on.

On the exercise front, I didn't get my jog in this morning because I was too busy looking for porn on Husband's computer (didn't find any, yes, I'm pathetic). However, I did go for a long walk last night and do ab work. It's not much, but it's still better than doing nothing. I'm going to a yoga class after work. That is, if my friend CC is also going because Husband and I carpooled today.

Housework front. Hmm. Let's not talk about it.

As for getting preggers, I still half-heartedly track my signs so that I have an update to give my acupuncturist. I still hope that we can get me back to normal. But I'm not sure I want to keep trying right now. I've read on blogs and boards about women who have a heart wrenching time trying for a year and then take a year off. I really didn't get this. I couldn't understand how you could just stop and not think about it all. the. time. How do you ever go through a 2 week wait without obsessing over every possible sign of pregnancy? How do you not force your husband to sex you up every time you have egg white cervical mucus? How do you plan your life when you could get pregnant at any minute? Planning a vacation is iffy. A career? even iffier. Heck, I was scared to buy shoes because what if I got pregnant, my feet swell and then I can never wear them again? No one should ever be scared to buy shoes (especially if they are really cute patent red leather). How do you just turn it off and stop?

I think I'm there. I definitely feel as though pregnancy is not going to surprise us. I've accepted that I probably won't give birth to four babies as I'd hoped. This does make adoption and/or fostering more viable. Which is a good thing because these are things I've always wanted to do anyway. But, most importantly, I'm happy with where I am right now. I love being able to go and see all my friends' babies and be there for them when they need me. (this isn't often, they are all very independent. almost stubborn. you know who you are) And, as selfish as it sounds and probably is, I like being able to focus on me. I like being able to focus on getting in shape and how to organize the house and my career and traveling and starting new hobbies and and ...

Don't get me wrong, I would be thrilled if I turned up preggers tomorrow; but most importantly, I'm not crushed if I don't. My life is not on hold. I'm no longer a skipping record. My needle's been bumped and my song continues, with or without a baby.

Monday Monday, so good to me

Here I am on the wrong side of a weekend again. I'm sipping on my Diet Coke, which is my self-reward for actually coming to work today. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I just love sitting on my ass playing Professor Layton and the Curious Village even more. I also love sleep. Of which I did not get enough. I know all of my friends who are new parents (which is nearly *all* of them, by the way) are laughing because I don't know what it is to not get enough sleep. To all of these friends, I have to say, shut. it. I'm not in the mood for all of your "I'm such a martyr for my baby"* crap. Just be glad you have a baby.

Now that my Monday-morning mood has been well established, let's move on.

I actually had a very good weekend. I managed to get up and jog Saturday morning, and then I was off to the spa. Nothing like starting off the weekend with hair being pulled from your labia. It really wakes you up. It's all the adrenaline from the pain, ya know. Non-sarcastically, though, the touch ups really are not that bad. And my facials are doing a good job of giving me that nice healthy skin I've always wanted. I always leave the spa a few hundred poorer, but feeling like a million bucks.

We even made it to mass on Saturday evening and then to Presbyterian church on Sunday. And, AND! I met people at church. Here's the short story, long.

I don't know about you and your church, if you have one, but at mine we have this "sharing of the peace" time. I do not like this time. It's smack in the middle of the service, which for me, is in the middle of my reverential prayer time with God. I hold this dear. People are supposed to share God's peace with each other just as Jesus did with the disciples before serving the first communion. However, this just turns into some sort of social minute in the church. There is a lot of "Hi! How are you? What are you doing tonight?" crap. I always want to say, "Cut it! You share the peace of God and then shut your mouth and face forward." But I don't want people to hate me, so I don't say this. As for myself, I do not engage in conversation during this time and I share the peace with as few people as I can without looking like a jerk. So when the lady in front of me started asking me questions like how long we've been coming to this church and where are we from, it was uncomfortable for both of us. Mostly because I made it uncomfortable for her by using one word answers and avoiding eye contact. After service, though, I made up for it by being all bubbly and forthcoming with information. She then introduced me to some people. Turns out there are some very nice people in my neighborhood who attend this same church.

Now the new week is starting. I'm still hoping for a job offer, ovulation, unprecedented amounts of will-power and motivation for myself and more sleep.

*None of my friends actually do this.

Funny joke I read

in the Reader's Digest. Goes like this:

I have a condition called CDO. It's just like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order like they should be.

LOL! It's funny because it's true!

Return from the West

I'm back. I survived. And I still love my in-laws.

For those of you not "in the know" I went on vacation to Big Bend and Carlsbad Caverns last week with husband's family. That is to say, his mom, dad, youngest brother and aunt. That's a total of 20+ hours in a vehicle with them. Turns out, his dad is a talker. Loves to talk about himself and finds himself very interesting. He assumes you do as well. Even if you are wearing headphones.

However my father-in-law has many good qualities and this is the only annoying one; so I consider myself pretty lucky. Also, I think his grandkids will probably like to listen to him. I hope. For their sakes.

Big Bend was BEAUTIFUL! We are definitely going back. We saw a bear! There was nature everywhere. I spotted several Scott's Orioles which are bright yellow and black birds. It was not hot most of the day. Keep in mind, though, that I define hot as 105+ temps and medium to high humidity. I did have to wear the pants portion of my shorts-and-pants with a sweat shirt in the morning. Later on I took off the sweat shirt and eventually removed the pants portion of my shorts-and-pants. The sunset from the basin is one of those spiritual events. I'm still reeling from all the beauty.

Carlsbad Caverns was a really big cave. the end.

Now I am back at work. The drudgery! Once again, productivity is at a minimum. I did manage to get through all my email and noticed that I have voicemail yesterday. I'm so whiny. I still do not have a job offer, though I hear that they are still working on it. Argh! Nothing kills your motivation at you current job like the prospect of a different job. I keep thinking of what processes I'd want to implement right away and what things I need to assess before suggesting any changes. However, none of that is pertinent to what I need to do right now.

On the fertility front... still barren! Isn't that a great word? I just *love* it. Makes me feel like a stretch of bad soil. awesome.

Really, it's just as well that we can't have children right now anyway, because we have been buh-lowing through our savings. I think I have this unconscious idea that if I make it so that a baby would really make life difficult, then we will get pregnant. The problem isn't that I'm not producing eggs regularly and that husband has sperm that fails in almost every way that sperm can fail. The problem is that we are too well prepared. The best way to increase fertility is to not want a baby. That seems to work for a lot of people.

Highlights, lowlights

I left work early on Friday because I just could not take it anymore. Husband got the results from his sperm analysis back. He has abnormally low sperm count. I asked him about the mobility and he just looked at me with a pained look on his face. I had thought that it might be a bit of a relief to find out our problems weren't all me. I was wrong. If anything, it just makes pregnancy seem all that more unachievable. We have to make an appointment with an infertility clinic now. I still have not ovulated despite the Chinese herbs. Basically, neither one of us are producing what we need to produce to make a baby. God isn't saying no, he's saying hell no. Oh well, life goes on.

We had a pity party for ourselves Friday, drank way too much. At least I did. Husband had to drive. Then we stayed up late fighting about him looking at porn. This has a back story that we aren't going to get into here. Basically, I don't have a big problem with the porn. I understand that he's a guy and that's what guys do. I do have trouble feeling like he finds me pretty, but I think of that as more of my problem and not his. However, he lies about it. The lying really gets me. It makes me not trust him. It makes a slightly-drunk me use the f*** word a *lot* and ask a lot of questions, while yelling. I accused him of doing that and purposefully lower his sperm count so that we wouldn't get pregnant. I asked him if he was seeing someone else (this is ludicrous, btw). I ranted and released a lot of anger. I also pointed out to him that deleting the history just makes him look guilty. I work in IT and am pretty good at computer forensics. Then we slept, in separate beds. for about 3 hours.

After that I woke up, feeling much better emotionally, slightly headachish and pukey physically. Told him that I still love him and that we'll work through it. He confirmed still loving me. Then we headed off to the lake to spend time with my best-friend-since-we-were-twelve friend. It was just like when we were in junior high, out on the boat with her mom and dad. Only this time we had our husbands along. It was perfect zen happiness for me. And a surprise because this friend now lives far away and I don't see her that often. The cold water shock from the lake was the perfect hangover cure. Well, that and the gatorade and potato chips I ate on the way there. Saturday was a perfectly beautiful sepia day.

Sunday did not include a trip to church. It did include spending copious amounts of money. Why save? We aren't having a kid any time soon. We bought hiking boots for Husband, a pair of shorts and a pair of hybrid shorts and pants for each of us. That's four articles of clothing. I also got quite a bit of housework done. Then we took a 5 mile walk through the neighborhood. I'm happy with Sunday.

Now it's a fresh week. I'm still waiting for my job offer. Still hoping I can put my two weeks in today. I'm excited about vacation starting on Tuesday as soon as I leave here.

Change I can believe in, almost

The interview went well. I get along with my would-be boss and my would-be coworker. I did okay on the technical questions. I won't actually office in the super-cool new skyscraper building downtown; I'll be in the building next door. The users I support are in the super-cool building, so I'll just get to walk over there a *lot*. At the end of the interview, the interviewer said he would get an offer together for me. My fountain of excitement runneth over.

I stupidly tried to go back to work after this three hour interview. I almost cried twice. Then when I decided it was time for me to go home, I did cry in the car before I even left the parking lot. Did I mention that I'm pathetic?

Turns out that after having to talk about myself for 2+ hours, I can't stop. I talked to my brother the whole drive home. Talked to husband for an hour after he got home. Then went to my friends' house and talked to both of them until they went to bed. When I got home, I called mom and talked to her. Followed that up by literally talking to myself, about myself, while trying to get myself to get sleepy and go to sleep. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well last night.

I think I was in a state of shock yesterday. I've been at my current company for 5 years. That's a long time for me. It's the longest I've been at a job. I think I would've been less shocked if I'd found out I was pregnant. I've been prepared for that change for a year. And, o holy crap, what if I find out I'm pregnant right after starting the new job?

Now I have a CRAP LOAD of work I NEED to get done before Monday (going on vacation Wednesday) so that I won't leave a mess a.) when I go on vacation and b.) when I possibly leave permanently.

Two-post Tuesday, wait, it's STILL Monday

This day will never end.

I'm in professional turmoil right now. I met this guy at this party on Friday night. I was witty and looked cute in my Lucky Brand jeans with t-shirt and jacket. We talked for a little while. Realized we had some common friends (okay, friend) and that we both work in IT. Then I remembered that I had had a phone interview with him once a few years ago and he never called me back. Embarrassed, but not uncomfortable laughter ensues. Then he says I should send my resume over because he is in desperate need of a Windows Systems Admin. Well, that's just right up my alley. What's the pay rate? I ask, then choke on my drink. Wow, that's a lot more than I'm making now and I think I'm perfect for the job. Mo money! Mo money! What can I buy next? How BIG can a savings account get? I did not say this. I said hmmm and nodded thoughtfully.

After the party I stayed awake until the ungodly hour of 1 ante meridian thinking about how to interview, what points I'd want to make, how I would approach this kind of position and why they should not only hire me but hire me at middle of their pay range for this position and then thank their lucky stars that they got me soooo cheaply. Keep in mind that I don't even have an interview at this point.

Sunday morning I really want to send my resume. But I think it's too soon and I'll only look desperate. Best to employ the two-day rule. I sent it first thing this morning. And he emailed back right away! We now have a lunch date followed up with a "meet the team" scheduled for Wednesday. I'm going to brush up on windows, AD, etc. because my troubleshooting skills have been deteriorating since I became a web application developer.

I haven't heard back from him with a time and place. This is causing me some anxiety. But not much. He'll email, right? He did like me (and hopefully my resume) didn't he? This is oddly reminiscent of dating. Except no sex. Yet. Shut up, I'm kidding.

Now I've moved on to stressing about how I would tell my program manager that I'm leaving and that I won't accept a counter-offer because it's just time for me to move on. I don't want to stagnate in one place and develop a skill set that is so specialized to the environment that no one else values me as much as my current employer. My program manager is already having to deal with talent walking out the door and budget cuts and heat from all directions. I hate causing another problem for him. But that's how business goes.

I've also started stressing about leaving my support network of friends here. Yeah, they are coworkers, but over the years they've become important to me. I'll miss them. Some of them are like family and one of them actually is family.

I don't even have a job offer yet! I'm so ridiculous. I've also checked to see what buses I could take from Husband's office to where my office would be (really freaking cool, new skyscraper downtown) so that I know how long it would take me to get there. Yes, I'm pathetic.

Life Lessons: The art of good enough

I've wiped the failure of last week from my memory. I'm also not going to acknowledge the fact that we missed church again. I'm just going to focus on prayer and move on. So, moving on....

The house is a wreck. And I don't just mean cluttered. I mean dirty. So, I'm employing two mind sets to deal with this. One is the "good enough" mind set, which we will cover today. I often don't want to do a chore because in order to do it as perfectly well as I'd like would take hours and sometimes equipment we don't own. Therefore, I end up doing nothing. For instance, I needed to get some house work done on Sunday. The kitchen floor really needed some attention. Here's how it breaks down:

What I would normally have done:
Remove the two stand-alone cupboards that we have. Take everything out of them and clean them. Turn them on their sides and clean the bottoms. There are a lot of cobwebs down there. Next sweep and mop the center of the kitchen. Then pull out the fridge and oven. Sweep and mop behind them. Notice that the sides of appliances look dirty. Clean the sides of the appliances. Notice that the underneath of the oven has cobwebs. Experience an anxiety attack because I don't know how to clean the bottom of an oven. Yell at husband to move the appliances back. Get on hands and knees to clean the bottom of the cabinets and curse cobwebs. Try to get cabinets clean. Realize I hate these cabinets. They are crap and will not ever be clean. End up on the computer planning a remodel of the whole damn kitchen because cleaning the old stuff is impossible. I would look like a raging beast that just went on a killing frenzy and isn't sure she's done yet. Husband looks scared and is trying not to move lest I see him.

What I did:
Used sweeper attachment on vacuum to vacuum up dog hair, some cobwebs (curse them! we hates them!) and dirt. Mopped only the parts of the floor I could get to without moving more than the trashcan. I did end up taking my cleaning mit and getting all the dangly cobwebs under the cabinets. I couldn't help myself. But! But! No mental breakdown! Success!

Result: Much cleaner kitchen. Happy Husband. Happy Wife.

So, three cheers for good enough.

Also, I did my run this morning. I'm very pleased with myself :)

Yarg

What a crappy week this has been. I've only exercised once. I haven't cooked anything. We've been living off leftover pulled pork and frozen dinners. I did manage to clean part of the living room and to vacuum. And that's it! Which means I spent an inordinate amount of time sitting in my rocking chair and watching crap television.

There was at least one evening where I spent my time in REI and Barnes and Noble. Hubby and I have decided that we are going to start hiking and camping. We are going to Big Bend with his family in two weeks so we are going to do some hiking there. I'm also in the market for some good binoculars. I want to get back into birdwatching. And by "back into" I mean I want to start. Since I don't think looking at birds with your daddy when you were six really counts.

The weekend ahead...

Saturday, I WILL get up and do a long run in the morning. Then I will shower and head off to my touch up of my Brazilian. Which will be followed by a facial. The facial is a little treat to myself. Expensive? yes. Deserved? oh hell yes. I need something to relax me after the adrenaline rush due to the pain of the touch up. Hubby will have started smoking a brisket by this time. At 2pm I will head off to a how-to-tile class. That is our next step in upstairs-bathroom completion (more on this debacle later). Sunday will be dedicated to church-going and Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, I know that just made some people's heads explode (mmhm, Religious Right). I will also need to do a fair amount of cleaning on Saturday. Wish me the best!

One final note, I hate all you coworkers who ate all the cookies in our cookie jar. Now I have to go scavenge and forage for my breakfast.

Ho hum Wednesday

July 4th was fun. Got sunburned. Drank with buddies. Did not have hangover. Cooked a lot of food. People liked my food. All was right in the world.

I also started my Chinese herbs on Saturday. I take 8 pills and a cup of really really yummy tea, three times a day. That's a total of 24 pills and three doses of the super-delicious yummy tea.

I have noticed some changes. For instance, I have more cervical fluid (CF) which my acupuncturist predicted. But mostly, I've been super gassy. If I were a teenage boy, I would be in heaven. I probably didn't help the situation by eating nothing but Brussell sprouts for dinner last night. I've had to make several discrete walks outside.

This week seems like it will never. end. I also have way too much work for this week. I'm feeling burned out. :( Close whine tag.

Yeah for Colombia!

Whilst watching the News Hour last night, I learned that the rebel group in Colombia was "tricked" by Colombian military operatives into freeing 15 hostages. This is great news! However, all I could really think about was how the acronym for this rebel group sounds like a substitute curse word. FARC (pron. fark) stands for Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia. Don't worry about the word order. It apparently isn't important. So, why don't you FARC-ing rebels stop FARC-ing killing people and let the farmers grow some FARC-ing food! FARC!

Also, my prediction was right. I was awoken by cramps at 3am yesterday morning. I took yesterday off and self-medicated with some aleve, green tea, cupcakes and water. After a long bout of feeling sorry for myself and physically feeling like life had been sucked out of me, I started to look on the bright side. I have a whole other month (or two) to get in shape before I get pregnant. And! And! A whole other month (or two) of my salary to spend and save.

Oh my FARC-ing goodness! You know that "There ain't no bugs on me" song that is on that one commercial? It just came on my Pandora station. Oh hell FARC-ing no. Apparently that is an actual song by Jerry Garcia. Thumbs down, Pandora, thumbs down.

Attitude change = Success

I had quite the pity party for myself last night. Complete with two glasses of wine. I keep getting negatives on the tests even though I STILL have not gotten my period. Tomorrow is the day the software will give me a chick. I had a very whiny "why me" attitude. Then I decided I was being pathetic and I needed to stop. However I had already wasted most of the evening at that point.

I did manage to wake up and go on a jog this morning. *cheer* And I'm feeling very good about that. Very good indeed. I've decided that it would be great if I'm not pregnant, because then I can see how fit I can get before getting pregnant. I've clearly decided to obsess over my health instead of pregnancy since I have a greater sense of control in that arena.

Sunburn = Failure

A few plates crashed to the ground this weekend. I got slightly sunburned at the family reunion which caused me to feel like total crap most of Sunday, which caused me to not do my 45-minute run and to not go to church. I fail.

On top of which, I still have not gotten a visit from Aunt Flo. Argh! I expected her on Saturday. I broke down this morning and bought some pregnancy tests on my way to work. Negative. But, I didn't use first morning urine! Eureka, I still have some hope that I could be pregnant. However I know in the back of my mind, that that's not the case. My body just has a sick sick sense of humor. It will wait until I'm 18 days past ovulation, which is supposed to be the golden standard for pregnancy, then I'll start. And it will be one of those periods that makes me want to reach into my body and pull out my uterus Indian-Jones-in-the-Temple-of-Doom style, because that would be less painful. Joy! I'm soooo looking forward to the rest of this week.

Thank you, Network Television

I was watching network television the other night in a desperate attempt to pass the time before I could go to bed. I could find nothing worth watching. And all the commercials for future shows were for shows not worth watching. I remember a time when I could find things like character development and plots on network television. Now it's all ridiculously over-dramatized game shows, reality shows and reality game shows. This type of viewing does not appeal to me. Mostly because it sucks. I hate survivor. I hate American Idol. I've even tried to watch these and can't make it through complete episodes because of how awful it is. I know this puts me in a minority. But I honestly don't get the draw. I think there's an element to people who like to hate someone. Maybe that's what makes survivor popular. Everyone I hear talking about it always hates someone on the show. And they love to talk to others who hate the same person. I'm not into this. Some people are assholes. I get it. I'm not going to go around communally hating a particular asshole just because he or she is now on television. I guess what it boils down to is that I get a healthy dose of reality in my reality. I don't need it in my entertainment as well.

Same thing goes for the drama, suspense and gore style of entertainment. Like all the CSI's and hospital shows (except for Scrubs). If I want to be depressed and/or appalled, I'll watch network news. (Thanks FOX and CNN for reminding us on a 24-hour basis that the world is a crap hole).

So, what's the fallout of all this? I've started watching public television. A lot. As a result, I've started to care about what goes on in other countries and in our country to a greater extent. I've developed a world view. Mostly thanks to Foreign Exchange and The News Hour. When I get to work, I don't want to talk about who's been voted off what; I want to talk about voting that matters. Like, how will the elections in Zimbabwe go? Will they be free and fair? How can Zimbabwe's Ambassador to the UN, Boniface Chidyausiku, state that the elections are free and fair when there is no opposition party? My gosh, can you believe that guy?

These kinds of thoughts, sentences and vocabulary are very unlike me. Prior to the plummeting of network television I would have only vaguely known that Zimbabwe was in Africa. If you'd asked if it were a city or country, you would've stumped me.

So here I am. I feel as though I've made that final transition into adulthood. And it's all thanks to network television and how much it sucks.

Morning running

Exercising after work has not been working out for me. I'm starting to agree with my friends who say working out in the morning is good because then you don't have to worry about when you are going to work out for the rest of the day.

So, I did it. I woke up with my first alarm and went for a 30 minute jog this morning. I have to say, it wasn't bad. I feel pretty good. Morning air feels awesome. It gets up to 93F by noon here with a dewpoint of 74F. The air even seems clean and fresh in the morning, despite the fact that I'm in the city. I was able to get back to the house, showered and fed by the time that I'd normally be sitting in the rocking chair watching the news and drinking my morning drink. I even got to work earlier than normal. I did not see that coming.

In celebration of this change, I'm going to spend money. I'm going to RunTex to buy some new shoes and to Target to buy some new workout clothes. I see this as investing in my health. And I'm more likely to workout if I think I look cute.

We'll see how this continues. I'll keep you posted.

TTC update: I'm at 12 or 13 dpo (days past ovulation) and temps are still high. They even took a jump this morning. However I was hot and tossing and turning this morning as well. All tests have been negative. Even the ovulation tests that I thought were pregnancy tests.

Finance Plate

I just read this post at Remodeling this life regarding perception of finances by others. The last line of which is "So what if someone thinks your poor? They won’t think so 30 years from now when you’re retired on the beach in Panama ." I have to agree. I wish we would stop thinking that poor = bad and unhappy life. I challenge all of you to find a study that proves having more money leads to less stress and happiness. I wager that you will never find such a study. I don't know who originally said that happiness comes from wanting what you have, not having what you want. That is very true.

I would love for our friends to think that we are poor. We aren't by any stretch of the imagination. Perhaps after we have a baby and I quit my job we will be. But we aren't right now. We do save a lot (what I think is a lot) of money each month. I've started learning about investing and hope to have a few thousand in the stock market by the end of the Summer. You're supposed to buy low, right? Well, it's low right now. This does mean that we have to say "no" to our friends when it comes to certain activities. We can't eat $150 sushi dinners every week. We can't go to the movies every weekend. We can't go to concerts every month. And it's not because we can't afford to. We choose not to spend our money that way. We choose to have a healthy savings account. We choose to not have any debt. One day these won't be choices made from discipline; they will be choices made from necessity. Which means we can sleep at night knowing we are building a secure financial future for our family.

Two friends of mine recently got married and they could not be more opposite in the finance department. He is a thingsy person and likes to have the best of stuff. She is Miss Frugal. He gets mad at her for shopping at second hand stores for clothes. She kept asking him why. He finally yelled at her that she makes him feel poor. He's never been poor his whole life, so I'm not sure how he would know what it feels like. But wouldn't it be better to feel poor rather than to actually be poor? I think so.

I hope we continue to learn ways to be frugal. I hope we improve our self-discipline and learn how to eat out less and cook more. I hope we continue to be proud of how we don't spend money, even if that means others may think we are poor. I hope we can pass these values on to our children so that they will not believe the lie that money can buy happiness.

The Education of an Ignorant Woman

I don't know about you, but I have a *lot* of unwanted hair. It's always an ordeal for me anytime I want to wear shorts, much less a swimsuit. I have to decide what's more unsightly, big black wiry hairs on My upper thighs and bikini area, or red angry bumps. It's something I've been self-conscious about since my teen years. It has definitely affected my lifestyle. I don't go swimming spur-of-the-moment and rarely go swimming at all. When I do, I usually end up wearing shorts. I don't like to wear lingerie, because I don't look "sexy" with the poof. The list goes on.

Well, I decided to do something about it. I was going to get a bikini wax. Then I thought, well, why do a bikini when a Brazilian seems to drive men crazy and it's just a narrower strip of hair. Right? Wrong. So. Very. Wrong. Considering how giddy and distracted my husband was, I should've known I was mistaken. Considering that the esthetician (girl who did the hair removing) asked me to remove my underwear, also, should've at least led me to ask a question.

But, no. I didn't really get what was going on until a large chunk of hair had been removed from my labia. By then it was too late. And she didn't stop there. Apparently there was hair on my INNER labia that had to go as well. That, also, was not enough for this perfectionista sadist. She then asked me to put my knees up to my chest. I naively thought, oh, maybe this helps to dull the pain. Wrong Again! It was so that she could get to my asshole! "Don't worry," she said, "this part never hurts as much as people think it will." Sadist that she is, she is not a liar. It didn't hurt as bad as the labia and whatever you call the area immediately surrounding the vagina.

So, for the good of all women out there. Here is what I learned.

• A brazilian is EVERYTHING. You will look prepubescent afterwards. Think how you were at eight.
• DO NOT USE WAX! I was sugared, and I honestly believe the process would've been a hell of a lot worse with wax. I've had my legs waxed before. I didn't have nearly the angry skin reaction with the sugaring that I do with wax.
  
• You will bleed. But, according to the esthetician, that's a sign that the follicles are being damaged and will be less likely to produce more hair. Yeah for bleeding!
  
• Baby powder is your friend. She used a lot of cornstarch (no talcum) baby powder and suggested that I continue to use it to keep the area dry. Especially when I workout. Which I haven't done since the removal. Today will be the day.
• When booking your appointment, ask if they have any numbing cream you can use. If they don't, find a different spa. If they do, go in the day before and buy the cream. Ask them how you should use it. Don't assume the instructions on the tube are good enough.
  
• Take some Ibuprofen prior to your appointment. This was a tip from a friend of mine who has been having these done for awhile.
• Wear a skirt to your appointment. You will not want to wear jeans or pants after.
  
• Expect the most mind-blowing pain ever. Imagine what it would be like to have the skin removed in that area instead of just the hair. There will be a tearing noise.
  

When I got home, my husband looked like a schoolboy who had just learned he was getting an XBOX 360. In a sense, he was getting a whole new thing that he can play with and have hours of fun. I told him there would be no action for at least a day. He asked if it was all red "down there." I said yes it was, but for all I know that's normal. I hadn't seen "down there" for close to twenty years.

Here are a few of the things I've noticed since having it done:

• Baby powder is your friend.
  
• Farting feels very different, I can't quietly sqeeze them out like I used to and they are much louder. Apparently hair has some sound dampening qualities. This may lead to some embarrassing moments today at work. I'll keep you posted.
  
• Sex feels different. Different good.

I have scheduled my "touch up" appointment three weeks out. Supposedly they get easier and less painful. I have a feeling it's like the difference between cutting off your whole hand vs. a finger. It's still going to hurt. a lot.

Happy Sunday!

It's Sunday morning, about 45 minutes before we need to head out for Presbyterian church. So, I think this is an appropriate time to talk about my faith plate.

I am a Christian. Okay, all you Christian-haters, stop rolling your eyes and groaning. I'm not a member of the religious right, I'm just a Christian. I'm considering using this blog to debunk some of the prevalent concepts of Christianity that are inaccurate and downright false. I will admit that there is a certain type of "Christian" out there that I'm not so fond of either. It's kind of like how my friend T.Lo. feels about "vegetarians" who eat fish. "That's not vegetarianism!" she will scream in indignation. When I ask her why it bothers her so much. She will explain to me that people who promote the idea that vegetarians eat fish make life harder for people like her who are actual vegetarians. She'll be sipping on some soup and hear, "Yeah, it's vegetarian. I used fish broth." At which point she realizes why she's been wanting to gag.

The same thing happens in Chrstianity. Someone who is uneducated; who has an immature faith, will promote a view or idea as though it is Christian. When, in fact, it is not. "That's not Christianity!" I yell. For instance, the bible does say that women shouldn't braid their hair. Hmmm. Does that mean that I'm a sinner and going to hell if I braid my hair? No. I am a sinner, but not because I braid my hair. The passage that contains that verse is talking about modesty. What we should take away from it is that Christian women shouldn't dress like whores.

If anyone ever starts reading my blog, I'm sure there will be a lot of controversy (which I hate) surrounding a lot of what I say here. But I guess that is part of discussing ideas whether they be religious or otherwise. I do want to stress, however, that I'm not interested in trying to convince you or anyone else to be a Christian. I just want to make sure Christians and non-Christians alike aren't mistaken about what Christianity is. The first step towards tolerance and diversity is understanding and open-minds.

Happy Sunday, everyone!

Still spinning

I hope my lack of posting is recognized as evidence that I've been spinning other plates. The blog plate almost hit the floor. But here I am! I'm back!

Anyway. I have the joy and pleasure of frequently visiting with two sets of friends who recently won at the let's-make-a-baby lottery. Their little bundles are now rounding out and looking more like the Gerber baby and less like a cross between a shrunken, shriveled old man and an alien. It's strange how that combination can tug at your heart strings so much. I myself am in ttc (trying to conceive) purgatory, a.k.a. the two week wait. This means my body has finally managed to eke out an egg and now we have to wait and see.

Moving on...

I think my Little Trainer Girl is trying to kill me. We workout together twice a week and every time I feel so exhausted after that I'd probably be safer driving home if I drank a six pack and were missing an eye. There's nothing like bunny hopping through an intersection because your legs lack the muscle control to let the clutch out slowly. Those of you who don't know what I mean, try learning to drive a stick and you will find out. However, the exercise plate is spinning just fine :)

I'm the spinner

Hello world!

I don't spin plates. Not in the actual plates-spinning-on-sticks way. My plates are things like, my job, my career (yes, these are distinctly separate), my marriage, my faith, my current family, my future family, my dogs, my house, my friends, my health, etc. You get the idea. I hope.

I haven't found a good balance for keeping all these things going at the same time. Sometimes I spin my friends, and my dogs and house plates start to wobble. Or I focus on my marriage and my faith plates, and my house plate clatters to the ground (Luckily some of my plates are melamine, so even when they drop, I pick them up and get back to spinning). Some plates have a higher priority than others. Some plates I spin because I know I have to, not because I want to, the health plate, for instance. Some plates I'm still trying to choose, like the career plate. Some plates I don't even have yet, like the baby plate.

So that's what this blog will be about. How I try to keep my plates spinning by learning how to mix balance and motion, which plates I should let fall, which to smash against a wall and which I should let someone else spin for me. I'd love advice and encouragement from all you spinners out there.