Sunday, January 25

TTC Update, TWW

The clomid worked. I had two large follicles, one on my left measuring 29 and one on my right measuring 19. I was instructed to start doing ovulation tests immediately and to call to schedule the IUI when I get a positive. This was Thursday. Dr. Physician even said he would not be surprised if I got a positive that night. I did not get a positive either that night or the next morning. I sent an email to let them know I was not getting a surge (a surge in the luteinizing hormone or LH is what causes a positive on an ovulatory test). They scheduled me to come in on Saturday morning. I got a shot of ovidrel, which is meant to make me actually release the eggs. For some reason, my brain doesn't recognize that I have mature eggs and won't send the signal to release them.

I went in today for the IUI, which means Husband had to take care of business early this morning. His sample was fair. Not great, but not bad. I have felt like someone has punched me on either side of my uterus ever since yesterday. Slightly crampy, but not in the center. I take this to be a good sign. A sign that I'm actually popping out an egg (or two!).

We are now in ttc purgatory. We are in the two week wait (tww). This is the time when I get to obsess over every change in my body. Joy!

I want to take this time to note all the ways in which I have grown and matured through this process.
  1. I no longer compulsively read pregnancy/birth/infant books. This is a huge step and a healthy one. I packed them all up in a box and put them in the attic. I'll take them out once we are pregnant, though friends have assured me that they are less interesting once you are actually pregnant. We will see.

  2. I pee on far fewer tests than I used to. This might be because I'm really tired of the negatives. But I'm going to attribute it to my incredible will power.

  3. My experience with infertility has pushed me to learn a lot about nutrition that I otherwise may not have known. It is also forcing me to re-evaluate my overall health. This is something that may end up preventing disease in the future.

  4. Infertility has also pointed me to God. It's forced me to realize I'm not in control. Just because I forecast an event in my budget, doesn't mean it's going to happen. I know, it surprised me too. God's plan is better than mine.

  5. I squeeze my breasts a lot less. I used to obsess so much over breast tenderness that I was constantly groping myself (not in public or at least not in public where people could see me). In fact, I think I was squeezing them so much I may have been making them sore. Ah, the joys of the two week wait.


  1. Hi Spinner,

    I wanted to comment on you mentioning that there may be things you should be doing before you have children.

    First... I am so sorry you have had difficulty conceiving. I can't say I understand, but I do pray that God opens your womb in His time.

    I can say wholeheartedly that I have many regrets with how I used my time before having children. You just don't have the time to dedicate to focused activities when you have little ones. Of course I wouldn't trade it for the world, but we should always be using our time wisely.

    The best thing you can do is to focus on learning useful skills right now. I so wish I had done this before. Knitting, sewing, gardening, preparing nourishing food, nourishing your marriage, reading, praying, composting, learning about homemade cleaners, foods, etc. in order to save money. There are so many things I wish I had done then so that I wouldn't have to do them now. Use this time God has given you in order to bless your family and honor the Lord. I wish I had.

  2. SNN,

    Thanks so much for the excellent advice! I think you sum it up perfectly in your second to last sentence, "Use this time God has given you in order to bless your family and honor the Lord." That is exactly how I've started to feel about our infertility. I can definitely see ways that we've grown as a couple in the past two years that I think will make us better parents. I'm also open to the fact that God may have other plans for us. Maybe we aren't meant to have children who are biologically ours. Focusing on God's will instead of my own is something I've always struggled with and something this experience is definitely teaching me.

    I'm also so glad you didn't say get in shape, lol! But I know should do that as well. *sigh*