Friday, January 16

The crazies

This is what I get when I'm taking clomid. For instance, Tuesday night I wanted to quit my job. As in, call my boss, tell him I'll bring him my badge and laptop and that I quit. No two weeks notice. I didn't even want to wait until the morning. I was going to go to his house. I was feeling *done* with IT work. I didn't want to fix anything for anyone ever again. I didn't want anyone to ask me why they need to delete email if they expect Outlook to open in a timely manner. I didn't want to deal with people who think their C: drive is a good place to store copious amounts of data. (Idiots. Gosh.) I just didn't feel as though I could go back. Husband was no help. He just kept playing Fall Out 3.

I was feeling trapped in a career that was never supposed to be a career. I was supposed to have babies by now and be a stay-at-home mom who homeschools, not a systems support engineer. And what if we *never* have babies. Then I'm stuck in this job for years. Husband suggested that I change fields (as he shoots a large cockroach with his gun). That's not practical. That takes time and what if we have a baby. AAAAAAck. Then I spiral down into crazy.

Reality is that I don't hate my job. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I want to tell people just how stupid they are (even though I know they aren't actually stupid. they aren't, right?) and explain things like "storage space" to them in very sarcastic terms. But mostly, I love my end users. They are nice and patient people who are brilliant in some other field that doesn't include logic or organization. There isn't a whole lot of heat coming down the pipe. I get to learn a lot at work. I get to goof off and play flash games when it's slow, or when I just need a break. My coworkers are nice and my boss is pretty darn cool.

All this to say, I have to beware the crazies. I have to make sure I don't make any life decisions while on the clomid. No career changes. No large purchases. No tatoos.

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