Getting better

Husband and I are doing much better. I'm a very high maintenance woman and he's learning how to maintain me :)

I'm also exercising again (read: I exercised last night for the first time in 4 months). I'm going to try to do the TTapp bootcamp and workout everyday for 4 days. Yesterday was day 1.

I also learned on Friday that the thing I thought I had screwed up, I really hadn't. In fact I had fixed the data so that exceptions don't need to be made anymore. And my boss asked me for a description of all the financial work I do! This is so that he can post a job for a financial person to come and do that part of my job! I'm so very happy and excited about that. I'm not touchy-feely, but I might hug this person when they show up. Heck, I might kiss their feet.

We also made it to church on Sunday. So all around, marriage is better, work is better and spirituality is better!

Challenging and Difficult Times

These are some challenging and difficult times. I'm not making a social/political statement, but rather a personal one.

I feel like I'm struggling in my marriage, at my job and spiritually.

I firmly believe that love is a cycle. Part of that cycle is being "in love", followed by just regular love, followed by not being in love. At which point, you decide you are committed are will keep loving this person. That decision can be hard to make at times, especially when you feel like the other person doesn't love you back and isn't trying.

It's very cliche, but I know our problems stem from a lack of successful communication. Knowing the problem and knowing how to fix the problem are really two different things. We'll keep working at it and we'll end up a better couple than we were before. The getting there is the hard part.

I really need help at work. I'm overwhelmed. I only work 40 hour weeks, but that's because even if I were to work 80 hour weeks, I still wouldn't get it all done and I'd still be overwhelmed. I'm starting to find mistakes that I've made because I just don't have enough time. It's very hard to tell my boss about these. I hate it when people have a high opinion of me and then I let them down. It's very hard on my fragile psyche.

This Saturday we are going hiking and birding with my parents. I'm really looking forward to being outdoors and doing something that will hopefully take my mind off work.

Another happy post

We just had a *great* weekend. The boy was out-of-town visiting his friends and family. I went to the farmers' market on Saturday, then spent the rest of the day either napping or playing video games. I needed some self-indulgence. I have also quit planning our fertility. I told husband that I'm willing to keep trying and to explore IVF, but I'm not planning it. I'm not deciding when we do it or when we stop. That made me feel much better. I'm tired of driving the fertility bus. We are also going to wait another month before we try more IUI. Husband started clomid awhile back and we want to give it time to work. He can already tell a difference (wink wink, nudge nudge). So that is encouraging.

I've been making myself green smoothies everyday (remember, when I say everyday, I really mean most days). As a result, my skin looks much better.

I laid out in the sun (in a super-small bikini, but that's a story for another time) with no sunscreen for an hour yesterday. I did. not. burn. I attribute this to the increased amount of vitamin D that I'm taking. I taking weekly doses of cod liver oil and a prescription supplement. Instead, for the first time in my life, I have a slight tan that is not post peeling sunburn. The extra sun and vitamin D (which I took after some neglect just yesterday) may even be why my mood on Sunday was much improved over my mood on Saturday (darkness and death).

Now I just need to get back to exercising...

Now for some of the happy...

My 19 year old nephew, let's call him Nephew (sometimes I will also refer to him as the boy), is living with us! He moved in back in January. Long story short, he made straight F's for his first semester in "college" and his parents were/are mad at him. He wasn't leaving his bedroom, he wasn't getting a job, he just wasn't living life. I decided (and confirmed with friends and family) that he needed a change of scenery. So Husband and I asked him to come live with us. I did run this by my sister (his mom) first, but probably did not have enough discussion with her and his dad. They have some hurt feelings right now; but I'm confident we can get past it as a family.

The first two and a half months were a little rough. Him adjusting to us, us adjusting to him (no more spontaneous sex on the couch). He didn't have a car at first because his parents didn't want to give him his car until after he got a job. I said that's kind of like telling someone that after they chop down a tree, then you'll give them the axe, but whatever, that's how they wanted to punish him.

He eventually did get his car back after a lot of walking and buying a bus pass. And then he got a job! Oh happy day! The boy has positive cash flow! He can start paying us rent!

We also took him to an open house at the Art Institute, which he promptly fell in love with. It's a super freaking expensive education, but it's also an industry-driven education which means the likelihood of employment on graduation is extremely high. I verified that he will be getting a bachelors degree, not just a certification. Husband verified that the institute was certified by some Southern college and university place. So, basically, it's a legitimate education. Credits transfer and what not.

Yesterday we completed his application process. He turned in his portfolio, which he completed in the nick of time. Right now, I'm just thankful that it was completed and turned in on time and am not going to worry too much about the last minuteness of it. We now have 3-4 days before we know if he's accepted.

I really don't think he won't be accepted. He has the skill set to succeed and the financial resources to pay for school. He is applying for the BA in Game Art Design, which is a new program, so they need people in it, and they need people in it who are going to make the school and the program look good.

In other news, I bought a fancy blender and have been making green smoothies in the mornings. Delicious!

I'm back! Let the pity party continue...

So, the last post wasn't the most positive one I've ever written. This won't be either.

I'm still not pregnant, despite the fact that we've done an IUI every month since December and our numbers have looked good each time. I'm feeling discouraged as is Husband.

I got the recommendations to IVF physicians from our current physician. They are both men. I don't like working with male physicians when it comes to my female area. By "don't like" I mean the thought of it makes me nauseous. I also don't know how I feel about spending that kind of money on a 10% chance.

Husband still won't discuss adoption.

I turn 34 this year.

There are other, more positive, things for me to blog about. And I will get to those, but I wanted to get the bad news out first.

Habit Forming: Fail

This week has been full, and I mean chock full, of fail. I started the week with one kind of sick (bathroom) and am ending it with another kind (sinuses). There was about a six hour break between the two. I had to miss a lot of work, and this is not a good week for me to miss work. I only exercised once and ate out one time over my limit. Since I was waking up late and in a fog, I also did not do my Bible reading in the morning.

Fail.

Fail.

Fail.

Usually, at this point, (this point *always* happens), I give up and decide that I just suck at being a human being and I shouldn't try. I would completely throw in the towel.

This is how things will be different. I'm not going to give up. I'm not going to throw in the towel. I'm going to start back up on Monday as though this week never happened. I will keep working out, taking my lunch and reading my Bible. I am a grown up and I can do these things.

Right?

Why does this always happen?

I always have the best intentions of getting to church on time. The early service starts at 8:45am which is a good hour past the time I manage to make it to work every morning.

I think that hour is the problem.

It gives me time to do things. Like shower, make coffee, notice that I have the liquid I drained off the pumpkin puree I made from real pumpkins, have an idea to use it to make a pumpkin spice latte (I'm a genius!), make the latte, relish it and enjoy the fruits of my genius, remember I wanted to record a recipe for homemade pumkpin spice marshmallows (I know!) and then search for the recipe online at epicurious (but only after I picked out two sweaters on Old Navy's site, read the reviews about all the pilling and then decide not to buy the sweaters after all) and record the recipe in my new recipe software.

What?

A whole hour has gone by! When did that happen?

We need to leave in 10 minutes to make it in time for early service. My hair is still wet and in a towel. Husband is still asleep. I'm reading blogs.

Late service starts at 11am. Which gives me two more hours. I need to get the pot roast started. I'm going to write a blog post (apparently). Maybe I'll finish the second round of Christmas cards. I could trim Kaya's nails (that's my dog, btw). Oh wait, no I can't because we need to buy batteries. I need to make a shopping list. I have 17 empty picture frames. I can start filling those. It's amazing what I can accomplish right before church.

I'm definitely making another pumpkin spice latte.