Monday, June 29

Weekend in review

I am chugging right along on my effort to establish good habits. I've kept my sink shiny. I've read my Bible every morning for 15 minutes. There are other things I've accomplished as well, but these are the two that need to be routine. Husband and I did a 15 minute declutter in our downstairs junk room. Yes! We have a junk room for each level of our house! We are going to try to do 15 minutes every day. But if we miss a day? Big deal! Who cares! We will just continue working the next day or the next week or whatever. The important thing is that I don't beat myself up for missing one day.

I got some bittersweet news this weekend. A really good friend of Husband's and mine is moving to D.C. That's pretty far from Austin. I'm worried that it is a permanent move. I'm happy for him, though. I think it will be a good move for him personally and professionally. But that doesn't erase the fact that I'm going to miss him a lot! *sigh*

Other than that, we had company this weekend, followed up by more company. Needless to say, not a lot of food prep happened. However, if my goal had been to eat out a *lot*, then I would've met that goal.

Friday, June 26

Fly, Flybaby

Many of you have been to my house and know that I am, um, shall we say, organizationally challenged. I live with CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome) but I have those unfortunate people over anyway. I'm shameless. I'm the sort of perfectionist that is crippled by my need to do things perfectly. Here's an example:
I don't know how to remove the small spot of mold that has formed under the caulking behind the sink, therefore I cannot clean the kitchen perfectly. Therefore I won't clean it at all.
I know. Sounds stupid. And it is stupid. But it's still me. And I have to figure out how to deal with me.

I've been to FlyLady's site several times but this past weekend I decided to go ahead and do it. I'm doing babystep number two tomorrow. I am going to have to adjust things to fit my life; but that's to be expected. I did shine my sink last night.

Habit forming is hard. And I used to tell myself that my life was too sporadic to form any real habits. My evenings just are not uniform enough to be able to do anything everyday. But then I re-evaluated. Despite our social schedule and commitments, I had already formed habits. They just weren't good ones. I have a habit of coming home and immediately changing into my sweats and baggy t-shirt. I have a habit of "needing" to destress in the rocking chair. I have a habit of putting my clothes on my vanity chair. I have a habit of leaving my dishes in the living room (for shame!). I am determined that I can replace these habits with different ones.

Usually I would approach this kind of change with an all-or-nothing attitude. I would want to change everything that was wrong all at once. This stems from the part of my personality that wants complete and total perfection. And as soon as I slipped, I would see myself as a failure and retreat back into my sweat pants/rocking chair shell. I'm forcing myself to concentrate on small steps. Baby steps. And like a baby, I will tumble and fall. But I will pick myself up and continue. I have to, or I will be stuck in CHAOS forever.

Thursday, June 25

Cleanse: Week 3

Man oh man. I've started coming off the cleanse. It's a few days early but I need more food. I've had a few dizzy spells and a lot of hunger. The last week has more raw veggies and less of the rice and beans. That just was not enough for me. I'm now gradually adding back fats and cultured dairy.

Here is what I've learned. It's important to be prepared if you are going to pack a lunch everyday. I've gotten a lot of ideas for lunches that I can cook/prep and then steam once I get to work for my lunch. I'm thinking rice (or other grain) and beans with some veggies, butter and seasonings. I just need to soak the grain and beans the night before. Also, some soba noodles (already boiled) with veggies and seasonings (like garlic and ginger). I can even add bits of chicken or beef to these meals. I like heating food in the steamer rather than the microwave much better. It just tastes better. I'm also one of those crazy kooky people who think microwaves may denature food. I still use it occasionally but not as often as I used to. Go ahead, call me a hippie.

Friday, June 19

I've been going through my blog list trying to find something that will capture my attention. I've not been successful, through no fault of the blogs. My mind feels restless right now, like a discontent wanderer. I'm not sure why. Perhaps I really wanted to write instead of read, but I don't really know what to write about.

I could write *even* *more* about how much I'd like to be a mommy, how I'd love to have the trouble Amalah just had with the poop-covered baby, or how I'm terrified that if I ever do get there, I won't like it. What if I find being a mom mundane?

When I was in junior high I was certain that I did not want to get married and have kids. That was the equivalent of a life sentence in a house-shaped cell. I wanted to learn things, travel, experience. I didn't just want to drink life in, I wanted to gulp it. God made a big wide world and I often felt, and sometimes still do, that he made it just for me. Why would I want to limit my life with the drudgery of raising kids? These were the thoughts that went through my mind while I would rinse dishes in my mama's kitchen and stare through the window above the sink. That was before my childhood had ended. I could still see the waves of pale yellow-green grass bordered in the back by a fence row filled with wispy, lace-like mesquite trees with larger, dark-green live oaks behind them, all topped by a big blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds. Eventually things would change. A shed would get built that would block the view of the field, and I would grow up and view motherhood in a completely different light.

Even though that was eighteen years ago, there are moments when I feel just like that skinny little barefooted girl in my mama's kitchen who was filled with passion and naivete. My heart will get all fluttery with possibilities and my mind will get fearful of being trapped in a tedious life. But, in the very next moment, I grow up again. Life really is what you make of it. You can either stare at the dishes in the sink that you've washed repetitively and will wash again; or you can stare at the wild, green ocean of grass and endless sky.

Thursday, June 18

TTC: Update

It's been awhile since I've discussed my reproductive organs in a public forum. I'd been feeling strangely reserved and unexposed, now I know why. Here's how things have shaped up. Days 13 - 17 (my lighted days) were May 29th - June 2nd. I did not ovulate.

Woe is me! My temperature didn't spike, but my self-pity definitely did. I stopped taking my temperature and started being angry at my body. I eventually did take my temperature again on June 11th. Apparently I *did* ovulate sometime between day 18 - 25 (June 3rd - 10th). Turns out the real full moon happened on June 7th. Which is kind of smack dab in the middle of the range of ovulation. I suppose it could be that my body, in fact, doesn't suck* and it was just waiting for the real full moon.

So, where does that put me now? I'm day 33, 8 - 15dpo (what a range!). I do not believe Husband and I were, um, being romantic (wink, wink) during my 8 day ovulation range. I was too grumpy.

Pregnancy probability: not good, but that's okay because I'm doing a cleanse right now

Body not sucking totally probability: pretty good :)

*I do want to add that I don't really think my body, as a whole, sucks. I realize there are people in this world who have actual health problems, who will never leave a wheelchair or a bed, who will die young because their bodies give out on them, who are also less whiny than me. I have not lost all perspective and am very thankful for the body God has given me.

Wednesday, June 17

Cleanse: Week 2

So, last week I simplified; this week I eat like a monk. or nun.

The basis of my diet is kicheree, which is brown rice and mung beans. I can also eat certain steamed veggies. Yum! Here is the email I sent to my group this morning:

I made it through my first day [of week 2]! And! I didn't kill anyone! My brother did mention that he would "just order pizza" when he came over. That was a near death experience for him. He did not order pizza.

Last night I steamed some turnips, red cabbage and slices of ginger together. Very tasty! I also made some kicheree with a minced garlic clove on top. Very tasty as well! I brought some garlic cloves and my garlic press with me today.

I'm going to try the cinnamon on the sweet potatoes tonight. That sounds pretty good.

I just keep telling myself that the first three days are the hardest and that I can get through it. Also, everyone at work knows I'm doing the cleanse and if I slip I'll *never* hear the end of it. I guess there's some benefit to working with a bunch of jerks :)

Tuesday, June 9

Remembering when

For my anniversary, I got a french manicure because Husband really likes the way they look and that's what I had for our wedding. I also like the way they look and decided to see if there instructions on how to do it yourself on the interweb. Sure enough, there were, in video format no less. There was also this video on waxing and sugaring hair removal.

In this video the lady states that the only thing she can see really going wrong with a home waxing is burning yourself. All I can say is this lady has clearly never been me. Because if she had been me, she would know there is *so* *much* *more* that could go wrong with a home wax. Especially if you have never had a professional wax done. And especially if you try to do your bikini area first. And double-especially if you live with a curious cat.

[insert some flashback waviness here]

This is the stage on which I tried to perform my first home wax. On my bikini area. There I was. Sitting on a blanket in the middle of my one bedroom apartment, my legs in a perfect butterfly. I was a lot more flexible then. Very hesitatingly shmearing warmish wax on my very delicate area. Hmmm. The warm feels nice. But how much? Too thick and all the wax won't pull off. Too thin and it won't pull off at all. I was using the stripless kind of wax. Which was mistake #281 in this ill-fated home waxing. While I'm trying to figure this out, my curious cat wants very badly to sit in my lap. Because why else would I be sitting on the floor unless I wanted him in my lap. I had a paranoia of my cat getting stuck to my bikini area because he rub against my "lap" right when the wax was reaching critical coolness. How do you really explain that at the ER?

Needless to say, this doubt, inexperience and cat-stuck-to-crotch paranoia caused me to be less than focused on what was happening on my very sensitive area. What was happening was that the wax very rapidly cooled because I had not warmed it enough in the first place. (Apparently I had believed that the worst thing I could do was burn myself. It's on the pamphlet!) Well, I had also used much too much wax. I had also not trimmed anything, mistake #564. So I now had a very very hard peice of wax anchored to my delicate area by a mass of hair, at the ends of which are nerves. Many nerves. That communicate pain.

I spent the next hour rubbing baby oil into the edges of the wax, lifting the edge enough to get my small trimming scissors (yes! I had them!) underneath to snip hairs. This process? HURT. I was left with an odd snipped area that was also bruised from the pulling. I then took a shower, nearly fell because baby oil makes showers *slippery*. Then sat in my rocking chair, petting my cat and practicing some self-soothing.

Cleanse: Day1

I've started a dietary cleanse. This is being taught by my acupuncturist. I'm in a class of about seven other people. Since I know all of you bite your fingers just waiting to read about all the mundane details of my life, I've decided to chronicle the cleanse here. Please don't get carried away by the excitement of it all.

Week one is meant to focus on reducing the types of foods we eat and eliminating dairy, meat, nuts, fats etc. from our diets. Keep in mind, this is a cleanse, not a permanent way of eating. I know fats are necessary for the absorption of certain vitamins, but fats have to be broken down by the liver. So I'm going to give my liver a break. I'll go back to frying up my eggs in bacon grease afterwards. Mmmmm. bacon. This also means I'm giving the dairy a break. No more yummy raw milk for me for a few weeks.

I'd love to sit here and plan out my whole week's menu for you, but we all know how successfully that goes for me. So I'm just going to outline some ideas that I have.
  1. Cook up some beans
    I had a bag of pintos at home that I've started soaking. I'll cook them tonight. I also want to get some black beans and some garbanzo (chick peas) beans. I like humus and want to make some with beans I cooked myself. This will take planning. The garbanzos take time.
  2. Eat breakfast tacos
    One of the few things that I can eat in the morning without wanting to retch is bean and cheese breakfast tacos. I'm going to alter that to bean and avocado on sprouted grain tortillas. To this end, I bought a bean and avocado breakfast taco this morning and ate it. Tomorrow I hope to make it myself. Baby steps.
  3. Make some beets
    I like them and they are good for you. So I'm gonna eat them.
  4. Make some sweet potatoes
    see beets
  5. Make a soup
    Also part of this week is to use of what we have. I have some wonderfully gelatinous beef broth. I also got a shipment from the Mom&Dad farm which consisted of zucchini, yellow squash, onions and corn. I'm going to simmer those in the beef broth. Simple and yum.
There's the tentative plan ideas.

Tuesday, June 2

Weekend in review

We had a lovely anniversary weekend. We had a very nice dinner after I got a very nice mani/pedi. Husband really likes it when I get red toes and a french manicure, so that's what I did. The manicure is already messed up. I've been working in our data center and it sucks femininity from me. In this case, in the form of destroying my nails and skin. It's drier than the desert in here. (oops! did I just indicate that I'm typing this *in* the data center?)

We also bought a bistro set for our deck off craigslist. Then spent copious amounts of money on more things for the deck. We sit out there in the evenings and chat. Maybe we can't get pregnant because we live like we're octogenarians already. Hmmmm.