Friday, June 26

Fly, Flybaby

Many of you have been to my house and know that I am, um, shall we say, organizationally challenged. I live with CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome) but I have those unfortunate people over anyway. I'm shameless. I'm the sort of perfectionist that is crippled by my need to do things perfectly. Here's an example:
I don't know how to remove the small spot of mold that has formed under the caulking behind the sink, therefore I cannot clean the kitchen perfectly. Therefore I won't clean it at all.
I know. Sounds stupid. And it is stupid. But it's still me. And I have to figure out how to deal with me.

I've been to FlyLady's site several times but this past weekend I decided to go ahead and do it. I'm doing babystep number two tomorrow. I am going to have to adjust things to fit my life; but that's to be expected. I did shine my sink last night.

Habit forming is hard. And I used to tell myself that my life was too sporadic to form any real habits. My evenings just are not uniform enough to be able to do anything everyday. But then I re-evaluated. Despite our social schedule and commitments, I had already formed habits. They just weren't good ones. I have a habit of coming home and immediately changing into my sweats and baggy t-shirt. I have a habit of "needing" to destress in the rocking chair. I have a habit of putting my clothes on my vanity chair. I have a habit of leaving my dishes in the living room (for shame!). I am determined that I can replace these habits with different ones.

Usually I would approach this kind of change with an all-or-nothing attitude. I would want to change everything that was wrong all at once. This stems from the part of my personality that wants complete and total perfection. And as soon as I slipped, I would see myself as a failure and retreat back into my sweat pants/rocking chair shell. I'm forcing myself to concentrate on small steps. Baby steps. And like a baby, I will tumble and fall. But I will pick myself up and continue. I have to, or I will be stuck in CHAOS forever.

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